How to write a ba-, I mean good fanfiction by the Rookie 12
by sanbi221
Summary: The Third Hokage finds fan fiction and is horrified by what he read. He then commissions Team 7, 8, 9, and 10 to give advice to all the authors on this site. Can the Rookie 12 and their sensei's complete this mission and give good advice? Or will they completely fail at this task? Read and find out.
1. Team 7

How to Write a Bad, I Mean Good Fan Fiction by the Rookie 12

AN: The bad spelling, grammar, and punctuation in Naruto's part is intended. This takes place before the Wave arc. I don't own Naruto.

Chapter 1: Team 7

"Alright everyone, Hokage-sama has commissioned us to write a fanfiction to tell people how to properly write one since most of the ones on the site, are, well, lets not get into it. Naruto, I want you to write on how to fix their grammer. Sakura you write about how to avoid making a character a Mary Sue. Sasuke you write either about bad plot or the Flames no jutsu. I'll write about late updates since I know all about being late. Now we can either make this a one-shot or write it in multiple chapters. What do you guys think," Kakashi asked.

"Make it a one-shot. After all I have to train to be Hokage and I don't have time to be writing fanfiction," Naruto said.

"I vote for whatever Sasuke-kun wants," Sakura said.

 _"Now there's a shocker,"_ Kakashi thought sarcastically.

"Hn," Sasuke said in Uchiha language.

"Was that a ' _Lets just get this over with'_ hn, or was it a _'If it helps me kill Itachi, I don't care how long it takes'_ , hn?" Kakashi asked.

"Make it a one shot. And don't say his name," Sasuke translated.

"Alright, let's get to work."

Three hours later they finally got their parts done. After they made their account they posted it on fanfiction where everyone could see them. Should you choose to follow this advice is up to you. But you can probably guess what my opinion is.

SPELLING AND GRAMMAR by Naruto Uzumaki

This is Naruto Uzumaki. You no, the future Hokage and the most powerful genin in Konoha. Now there has been a LOT of good fan fiction out there and a LOT of bad ones. I'm going two tell you how you should right see, yu don't need to get rid of those red squiggly lines under those words. Why would you hit the spell check button when they provide a bit of color to the page. O, and all the names of the jutsu and characters. Wel you cee, the First Hokage created a website which is called Narutopedia. Google it to find the real Link. Now why go this page to verify if youve spelled the names and terms correctly. After all, yu dont need to make sure you wrote the names, jutsu, places, etc... it's fan fiction so noone really cares about that stuff. As for punctuation, well you should always remember to put the commas, apostrophes questionmarks quotation mardksand periods in, the write places but youdon't half too. Im sure people will understand and make no comments aboutthosemistakes. Anyway, I just remembered Irichiraku has a sale goingon. All ramen,half off. See u next time dattebayo.

THE MARY SUE by Sakura Haruno

I'm here to tell you about a very important type of character you should put in your stories. She is called Mary Sue. Now Mary Sue is supposed to be the perfect girl. Her looks, her attitude, what she can do, is so perfect that every man around her falls for her. How could they not? I wish Sasuke would fall for me. I mean, everyone knows I'm better that Ino-pig. Ahem. Got a little off track. Now according to the first definition on urbandictionary there are several types of them. The first is called victim!Sue.

Now she is supposed to be whiny, annoying, pathetic, who can't do anything right and always has to be saved by her romantic interest. There is no way I'm like that. Right? I know I only know the Clone, Substitution, and Henge jutsu, suck at taijutsu, have no genjutsu, am the biggest fan girl of Sasuke-kun, spend more time trying to get a date with him then I do on my training. But there is no way I can be one. Yes, there's no way I'm a victim sue.

As for the others... well look it up, I've got a hair appointment in half an hour. After all didn't you know Sasuke-kun likes long hair? Oh and remember you can't redeem your fanfiction if you kill her off. I mean she is _the_ Mary Sue. Killing off characters like that isn't what you want to do. It's like hating Twilight which is the greatest love story ever written. Of course it will be second greatest once someone writes a story about the relationship that Sasuke-kun and I have. To those thinking I'm delusional obviously don't know Sasuke-kun as well as I do. He just has a hard time expressing his feelings. But I know what he really thinks of me.

PAIRINGS by Sasuke Uchiha.

I'm not going to tell you how to write one since I'm too busy brooding and plotting on how to get revenge on my brother. I mean, it's not like he's going to die of some unknown disease, and just drop dead. Instead, I'm here to give you a warning. There will be some fans you just can't please. And it's not because you wrote a bad fanfiction. No, it's because who you chose to pair the characters up with. If you don't pair them up with their favorite pairing, then they won't read it, and/or use the Flames no Jutsu.

The most popular pairings, and I don't know why, Naruto and Hinata (NaruxHina) or Naruto and Sakura (NaruxSaku). Naruto's oblivious to Hinata's feelings and Hinata won't act on them. Instead she just stalks him, and faints every time he so much as looks at here. As for Sakura, that's an even more hopeless situation. Every time Naruto asks her out on a date, or even talks to her, she hits him. Why he would want to go out with someone who hits you a lot is beyond me. Unless he's a masochist. And then there are the crazy yaoi fangirls who pair me up with Naruto. Just because of one accidental kiss, people think that is grounds for being a pairing. They're crazy I tell you. Crazy. Just... don't write those, unless you want to experience my Fireball Jutsu. To a lesser extent I'm paired up with Hinata and Sakura, even though I've never talked to Hinata before, and Sakura's just annoying. At least Hinata isn't one of my fan girls. She's Naruto's. Anyway, those are the top pairings where you're most likely to get views, good reviews, but also bad reviews.

Another reason for getting bad reviews is that you have a bad plot, like me not getting revenge on my brother, which would be a very bad thing. But I won't get into that. I have better things to do.

Now you might be able to avoid the war and getting burned by not pairing either Naruto or me up with either his stalker or the annoying fangirl. But then you might get burned because you didn't do either of those. I mean people pair him up with just about everyone, including people he's never even met or are _way_ too old for him. I wouldn't be surprised if people put a yaoi fan fic of Naruto and the Hokage, but I won't go into detail because I don't need those images in my head, and neither do you.

Good luck. Now I have to go back to brooding and plot how to kill my brother. Did I mention I do that a lot?

LATE UPDATES by Kakashi Hatake.

Remember that you should give update times when you're going to post the next chapter. However, if you're late that's OK. Just tell them you just got lost on the road of life and it took you a few months to a couple years to update. It IS a very long road after all. Or you could tell them a black cat jumped on your keyboard, so you had to buy a new computer. Just email me at ichaichafan_ konoha._com (remove the underlines), and I'll give you all the excuses- I mean reasons on why you were late.

If you're always late with your updates it just makes them more surprised and happy that you updated instead of being on time. After all, if I was ever on time for something, people would either think I was sick or someone else in a henge. It is said that I would be late to my own funeral. So late updates are the way to go. Now, there's a 50% off sale on Icha Icha Paradise, so I've got to go now. Ja ne.

* * *

After the Hokage read it, his face turned red, and he decided their punishment. After the Chuunin Exams he would have them do D-rank missions for a year. And Kakashi would not only have his Icha Icha collection burned, he would be banned from reading Icha Icha for 10 years. Hopefully the next team he chose would do better. Little did he know that it was only going to get worse.

A/N Well, what did you all think of my first chapter.


	2. Team 10

Chapter 2: Team 10

AN: I don't own Naruto. Takes place during the Wave Arc. I don't know if it will be as good as the first chapter, but considering the premise of the story does that mean if it isn't as good as the first one, it's actually better. Anyway, on with the story.

While Team 7 was on there way to Wave, he had one of his ANBU fetch Team 10. Hopefully this time it would turn out better than the last one. Once Team 10 arrived, he briefed them on their mission.

"Alright everyone, I tried to have Team 7 do this but they bombed the mission, so it's up to you to fix their mistakes, and do better than them. Now there are some good fanfiction out there, but there are also bad ones, so we're going to give everyone advice on how to write a good one. So going under the same account I made I want you to write one describing on how to make a good fanfiction that everyone will read. Do this right and you won't have to do D-rank missions for a year."

Everybody's eyes widened when they heard this, all of them thinking different things.

" _This is troublesome. If I do this right I'll have less time to look at the clouds."_

" _With higher ranked missions, I'll get more money. And more money equals more food."_

" _With higher ranked missions, I'll be stronger than Sakura, and Sasuke-kun will like me more."_

" _Just something else I can impress Kurenai with."_

"Well you have your orders. Dismissed," the Hokage said.

After lazing around for a couple of hours, Shikamaru decided to just get the mission out of the way, so he could go look at clouds again. He then proceeded to give the best advice to everyone on what to do when it concerns writing a fan fiction.

FAN FICTION ADVICE by Shikamaru Nara

Writing a fan fiction is too troublesome. Don't do it.

 _Ino then showed up and yelled at him on how it wasn't long enough, he didn't try, and it had no advice whatsoever. Sighing, he then redid the paper, while muttering something about troublesome blondes._

FAN FICTION and OTHER ADVICE by Shikamaru Nara

Writing fan fiction is troublesome. Don't write one. Annoying blondes are even more troublesome. Don't date one. Never call an Akamichi fat. It's too troublesome.

Little did Shikamaru know, in a few years he would go against his own advice, that he would not only date a blond, but write his very own fan fiction.

FAN FICTION ADVICE: PLOT by Ino Yamanaka

So now that grammar, pairings, flames, late updates, and Mary Sue's have been taken out of the way it's my turn to give you even better advice, and that's on how to make a good plot. A good plot is something that you need or people won't take the time to look at it. For example, pairing me up with Sasuke instead of Sakura is the start of a very good plot. I'm far better looking than her, I don't have a forehead the size of a billboard, and I wear better makeup than her. So yeah, I'm superior. Just the fact that _I'm_ the heroine of the story will make it worthwhile.

I'll give you a good idea of what type of plot you should have. One day Sasuke-kun was walking down the street, when he saw the most beautiful girl in Konoha. She had long blond hair, had blue eyes, wore purple, and to top it off, she was the strongest girl in her clan. It was love at first sight. For several years they dated, and once they were of age, they married and lived happily ever after. The end. As for what happened during those years, well the readers don't need to know the details. They can figure it out. That's how the story should go.

A bad type of plot would be if he fell for a certain pink haired kunoichi instead of someone like me. After all, I have longer hair, and Sasuke-kun likes long hair.

REVIEWS by Asuma Sarutobi

When you write a fan fiction people may review your fic, or they may not. If they do, they may perform one of several jutsu's. The first is Review Style: Lazy Review no jutsu. You'd get that a lot from Shikamaru. Of course, first he has to put in the effort to actually review, so he probably wouldn't review at all. That's where they write a couple of words saying whether they liked it or not, but not telling you what they liked about it, or what they didn't like about it. The second jutsu is Review Style: Flames no Jutsu.

Now the Review Style: Flames no Jutsu, or flames for short, is when they swear at you, insult you in any immature way they possibly can, and actually consider that a review. However, there is a jutsu that is difficult to master. It's called Review Style: Constructive Criticism no Jutsu, or constructive criticism for short. This jutsu is where they take the time to tell you what they liked, didn't like, and how to improve on it.

Now how you take these reviews is up to you. You should probably take them all with a grain of salt. Especially, the Constructive Criticisim no Jutsu, since that really isn't helpful. I mean this is your story, what do they know?

FANFICTION IS LIKE FOOD by Choji Akamichi

This one isn't for the writers but for the readers. Just like food, you can tell if you'll like the fanfiction based on the title and summary alone. Like food, even if you don't try it, you can figure out whether it's good or not. You're just that good. I mean what's the point of reading their fanfic if you know right of the bat you aren't going to like it? You shouldn't care that the author put their time and effort into this because you know that you will not like it.

But just like food, even if you don't like it, other people might. I really love BBQ meat (ask Asuma sensei, since he usually pays), but would a vegetarian like it? No. Fan fiction is just like that. Some of them are like perfectly cooked meat and are delicious (really good), and others might be under cooked, it just needs some tweaking. Others are burned and need a rewrite, but then you have the vegetables, which is worse. But others might prefer their meat overcooked, rare, or even (shudder) salads.

On a side note Asuma-sensei is taking us out to lunch after we upload this chapter. He says I usually eat too much and nearly bankrupt him when we go out to eat. I don't think I order that much. It's usually just one of everything. Maybe seconds if I'm really hungry. Then there's dessert... maybe I should try to eat less. But it won't happen.

After Team 10 proudly uploaded the chapter, (and to Asuma's dismay, lunch with Choji) they go to the Hokage expecting praise on job well done. They didn't get it.

A/N: So that ends Chapter 2.


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